Perspective

It hurts today to raise my arms... a lot.  Yesterday at the gym I was lifting a 25 pound weight over my head and it was crazy heavy!  Even after just a few reps my arms were shaking from exertion and I didn't think I could go on.  Now here's where the perspective thing came in - as of this morning I have lost 56 pounds.  How in the fresh hell did I carry that shit around?   I climbed stairs with an extra 56 pounds, I walked with an extra 56 pounds....and here I am today struggling with 25 pounds.  No wonder I was such a couch potato before it was just a struggle to lift all 272 (285 at my biggest size) pounds of me up off the damned couch!   I don't want to encourage him in any way but apparently Barry says that there is a weighted vest I can wear while working out, no thank you I already had that experience I think I'll pass.

Christmas is my really busy time at work, I book close to 1500 people to help at the Mission with all the banquets, toy markets and food markets that we run throughout the month of December and it is REALLY stressful.  I have managed to make most of my people contact me online and send a flurry of emails daily, sometimes they are individuals, families of groups I have dealt with before and have some connection with but there are also those who this is their first contact with me.  Well it's been 3 weeks of madness of me running at 1000% capacity - nearly all of the spots have been filled and I'm feeling exhausted.  Yesterday I had a voicemail from a gentleman who said that he was calling from a Senior's residence and that he'd really like to volunteer for our Christmas brunch.  Good luck buddy, that is our most coveted role and it booked within HOURS of me posting it.  Well he didn't have an email address so I couldn't send him the standard response I had created so I called him back.   With much impatience.  With much general pissiness, I called him back.  He was 70 years old and he was going to be alone for Christmas and thought he might like to come help out in any way.  As gently (yeah, I'm not a total bitch) as I could I told him that we had such a wonderful response and that we were indeed OVER booked for this opportunity but was there another day he might like to come spread Christmas cheer as we spread out the love throughout the month of December.  He told me that he was having cataract surgery in a week and he had to have a CAT scan and that he wasn't sure if he'd be well enough to come before the 23rd.  Well we talked for 15 minutes about his surgery and the fact that my Dad had it when he was younger and he was totally recovered (I didn't think I had to mention my Dad is fucked in other ways) and that he was going to be so happy with clearer vision.  I didn't book him for any volunteer opportunity, but I told him to please call me back and let me know how his surgery went.  We laughed and talked like old friends and at the end I wished him well and told him truthfully how much I had enjoyed our conversation.  He told me that I was a beautiful person and how much he appreciated that I took time to speak to him.   Ahhhhh...there's the perspective.  This rushing around, meeting deadlines, being so damned stressed that my brain hurts that's not what I worked so hard to have this new life for, that's not who I am.  I'm Wendy and I like talking to people - no, I LOVE talking to people.  I love to connect with someone and tease and laugh and find out every little piece of them until they've found a place in my heart to burrow into and me in theirs.  So this is my pledge for today, I'm going to talk to strangers (I'm going to politely decline the candy and the ride in their car though), I'm going to make time for my friends, I'm going to hug my sweet little cat in my arms (even though she's going to bite me) and I'm going to keep getting to know my Mom....and it's not too late. :)

PS - I bought this dress right after my surgery, it didn't fit and this morning I put it on and it is perfection. :)