How I Exercise

Me this Morning:

4:40 am, damnit I slept in, I'm so tired I don't want to get up.

Well I'm awake now I might as well go, it's   last time this week I'll just suck it up.

My body hurts, I don't want to run.

Just do it one lap at a time, focus on that wall, you can get there once, right?  Don't look at the clock, just find a spot on the wall each time, run for there.  Sweat is running in my eyes, I can't see the wall...the lines on the floor, yup I can still see them..look there.

My legs are so stiff, I don't want to run up these stupid stairs.

Jesus fuck (actually, I said this part out loud).  Oh my God this hurts.......  Holy crap, I told Barry about my shitty day yesterday and I was still running, I can run and talk that's pretty fucking amazing.  Mother fucking son of a bitch (I said this part out loud too).  Half way there?  Is he fucked?  I already did 5 laps, I'm going to die.  Holy shit, I'm going to die.  My legs are on fire.  Fuck you stairs - GO FASTER!!!  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck (I said this part out loud).

Great, put on my boxing gloves he says but I know he's going to make me run too, bastard and my shoulder hurts.

One-two's?  Shit, which one do I start with again?  I'm so picturing that this bag is his head, don't say that out loud he'll make you do burpee's.  Ow, my nose...I need to stop pushing my glasses up when I'm wearing boxing gloves.  Run faster?  I can't even fucking see I'm gonna hit the wall.  Punch right away?  I can't even breathe!  Faster.  Harder.  My arms are jelly.  Don't slow down he says doesn't he know my arms hurt?  I think my spleen is about to explode.  Is that my spleen?  Oh God, my biceps are gonna rip.  I want to cry.  I want to puke.  What an asshole telling me to push it can't he see I'm dying here?  I'll show you how fast I can go.  When do I get to punch you again?

Squats?  Goddamnit I hate these.

Oh sweet jesus I'm down I don't know if I can get back up.  Okay, I'm up.  Again?  Fuck!  I think I just pulled a groin muscle.  Wow, I can do these without being supported by the wall.  Hey, I made it to the end of the building that was quick.  That fucker is going to make me do this again isn't he?  Of fucking course.  Ohhhhhhh why does this hurt my butt muscles so much?  Since when do I have muscles in my butt?  Wow, I went low on that one.  Ewwwww...ewwwwww...spider.  Right, squat... that one felt pretty good.

Lunges?  What fresh hell is this?

I'm gonna topple over like a weeble.  Weeble?  Weeble's wobble but they don't fall down... is that what those stupid things were called?  I need to google that when I get home.  What in the hell was a weeble anyway?  Fuck these are hard.  Shit, I'm done.

Oh great, he's bringing out the weight bar I so want to beat him with it.

Breathe when I'm pushing up?  Why do I forget how to breathe each time?  I feel like I'm hyperventilating.  I feel like I'm hyperventilating (I said this part out loud).  Ow, I hit my nose.  My arms are gonna fall off like Spongebob's do...god I love that cartoon.  Patrick is my favourite.  Bahahahahahahahahahaha (a la Spongebob).

Yes!  Abs, I get to lay down.

Planks?  Shit.  I can do this.  Just breathe.  Relax.  Oh my god my arms won't stop shaking.  Put your butt down.  Nope.  Don't start thinking about what your butt looks like in this position, don't even go there.  Three more??  Fuck.  I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna fall....I can't hold this, my stomach hurts, my legs hurt.  Shit, my glasses fell off.  Two more, I can do this.  Breathe.  Just breathe.  Just breathe, slower... wow, I can feel every muscle in my body it's kinda cool.  Last one.  The shaking stopped.  Man my body feels strong.

That's it? Where did the hour go?

5 am Monday? (I said that part out loud too).